A Moment of Grace

Why are we the way we are today? Why do we act the way we act today? When we think of how we act and how we are today we are formed by the people around us. We really are not ourselves most of the time because we form to the way other people want us to be. We change who we are so that we are accepted by society, even though we tell everyone to be themselves and encourage people to be an individual. Isn't this a bit contradictory? We change to be like everyone else because that is what society wants us to be, and yet they encourage people to be different? If a person tries to be what society wants, and what they want to be, then it is going to be very hard for them, and feat if they succeed.

I don't feel like myself most of the time, sad to say. But honestly, I try to be liked by people more than I am myself, which is hard, because the people who know the true me, and have spent enough time with me encourage me to stop trying, and just be myself. But honestly it is a lot harder then one might think to.. stop being what one might think society wants people to be.

So overall, I need to be more myself, and I need to stop trying to be someone different, because other people's opinions do not matter, just the opinion I have of myself. Also, last thought: Society is f'n weird.

Ok Ok, I know I have been behind on posting on my blog... ok I will admit it, I gave you all the hope that these blog posts were going to end.. but no... sorry they are not. I just have.. slacked.
A lot.
Maybe even a bit more then a lot.
Anywayy! lets just go along like you have all forgiven me, and there is nothing wrong with me not posting for like.. a long long time.

I'm gonna stop reminding you of that.
Anyway what should I write about? If you can't tell right now I'm writing down my complete thoughts. Though this might be slightly entertaining to you.. I'm gonna assume its not and ponder what I should write about for a moment, and give myself some time to press the enter button a few times.





I just realized... even though I might make some of you smile and maybe even chuckle a bit. My friend Spencer, is not going to laugh over any of this.. except for maybe this comment. Anyway back to my thoughts!







So I just looked up at the television, and it was showing me some prison thing with celebritys in it.. And I thought to myself 'I wonder what the people in jail say when celebritys arrive there... are they awe struck... or do they go I TOTALLY MET PARIS HILTON! when they get out of jail'
I mean honestly, if you think about it.. are they the type of people who are like.. hey cool its Paris Hilton, or are they the type of person who is like.. Paris! Paris!!! Can I get your autograph!? OR are they the type of person who gets out of jail and is like "DUDE! I totally met paris hilton!" and then asked where they are like.. "Ummm.... in jail?" How could they honestly pull that off.



More thinking..




Soup is delicious. Honestly.. i love soup. I had my friend critizise me for eating soup.. they told me its like... drinking a sandwich.. which now that I think about it would be splended.

Now my ranting is done. I might give you another blog post later on about how often I see satire. I am watching tv and finding it all so amusing..
Farewell non-existant readers. Talk to you later.

Ok, so lately I just have yet again been down on myself. And yes I know I bitch a lot of pointless stuff. but I wanted to display some of my photography that i have done recently, to kinda.. Feel less like a failure.

Here are some of my best pictures taken, Yay photography!



























































Check out more of my photography at www.flickr.com/gracelemieux

All my life, I have been given the whole " your too smart", " your really smart" and all that stuff when it comes to school. I honestly don't try half the time, because well to put it blunt. I am bored. Sitting in math class I'm bored, and its not because I just don't want to listen, it is because I just.. am really bored. It is all way too easy for me. My problem is I make small mistakes, which make problems. But aside from those small mistakes, I am bored. I don't do things when I am bored. Honestly I am WAY too ADD for that. I just.. try and focus, but lets be honest, it does not work half the time. I need to learn to focus, and that is my problem. I'm tired of hearing the your too smart talk, and I'm tired of the... why arn't you doing this? I don't know, I honestly don't know why I'm not doing it. I think its because I CANT FOCUS! And its a problem!

Sorry for not updating in so long, I know its rediculious. But I just have been off about a lot of things. I'm slightly stressed out, and I don't know the complete reason why. I just wish I could do a lot more, then what I am actually doing. But its rather hard for me to do that. I just wish I could do so many things, and I envision so many things. But for some reason I just.. can't do it. its getting me all very down and hard on myself, which isn't fun. I'm just in a bad mood plainly. I feel like I'm failing and behind in well.. life. and I seem to be getting alot of crap from people. And I don't feel like I did anything to diserve it.

Overall I'm very...... blah. Not sleeping well and everything. can't seem to fall asleep.


Ok I'm back! Sorry.. I wrote that when I was, well obviously down. I have lately been very up and down with my emotions, and yes.. I am a girl... and no its not because of THAT reason. Its just.. I am thinking probably more then I really should. I'm better currently. I'm getting more on track of things, and it makes me feel a lot better about things. I currently have a soap opera that I need a title for. It is about high school drama, and soap opera stuff, and no.. sadly no brain transplants.... Shaw wouldn't allow it. Sadly. Anyway, if you have any ideas, tell me and I will take them into consideration! Sorry for the lack of posts, I will definately give you more later, I will try and have philisophical conversations with Spencer. Talk to you all later non existant readers.. except that one that loves me!

Ok, now that I have your attention, I wanted to say hi. I don't know what to write about. But here we go!

Honestly I don't know what has been going on with me lately, I seem to just be very down and disappointed about a lot of things. Maybe I just need to become more positive? Maybe I need to realize that some things that I do are just stupid and that I should just get over it. Maybe I need to trust people more, because I feel like I do trust people. And yet I feel as if I need to prove that there is no need to judge me in a bad way. I feel as if I need to prove to people that I'm not as "loud, and obnoxious" as many people think of me. I don't need to do that though, I mean really I don't diserve such treatment. And when people treat me that way they are really making themself look stupid for how they are judging on how I/ people acted in the past. Narrow minded eh? I honestly don't think I'm that horrible a person. Everyone makes mistakes, and everyone does stuff wrong. So am I a horrible person because I'm more outspoken about things then other people?

Isn't it bravery if someone speaks up and says something instead of sitting there just like the crowd? Or why is it that some people can speak up because they are socially accepted, and yet other people who are not as "popular" or accepted try to say something they are persicuted and told that they need to be quiet? Isn't this suppose to be a free country and people to have freedom of speech, and yet people are told to be quiet because they are not socially accepted? Why does it matter if people like you or not? Why does it matter how people see you? Because it affects how your treated and what you are able to do in your life.

Why don't I trust people? Because what is the point of trusting people who I know will hurt me in the end? And that my friends is also the reason as to why trusting people is so hard for me. Because I feel like I will eventually be hurt in the end. But when someone says something to me, why don't I believe them? Why do I harp over something said to me? Because I feel like I trust the person who says it, but I don't trust the people who affect it. Which is stupid of me. If someone says they will be there, or something will happen. I should believe them, not because its the nice thing to do, but its the logical thing to do. What honestly is going to change them from what they said they would do? Nothing. Unless its their choice to change. Like its my choice to trust more, and believe people more. Not because I had things happen to me that made me change, because I decided I want to change. To stop being stupid, to stop causing stupid things, and to stop pointless drama.

I'm gonna edit this later, Let me think more on it.

I like purple, so my edit is going to be in that color. Ew that was like.. pinkish purple. Blahhh! Anyway back to what I was saying. I need to realize what I have been doing, and how it affects me and how I treat people. Why do I need to be ridiculous, and crazy when I know that I trust the people I know well. I don't understand my own actions, and I need to stop being so stupid.

Overall people suck, and I have been stupid recently, where I need to understand and realize that I need to trust. More then I have for a while.

Today I had a day of Latin, I’m gonna complain, tell you funny things, and then also tell you about how JCL is amazing.

Complaining: Today I have had a headache all day, I have not had a time where my head does not hurt. I have taken I-Bee (ibuprofen) twice today and I am going to take another dose in a few minutes if my head still it hurting as bad as it has been. I don’t know what is wrong with me. Maybe I have a migraine or something, but my temples have been pounding. Oh just took my third dose of I-bee. Anyway my head has been killing me so much today, coughing (which I have been doing a lot) seems to make it hurt worse, as well as being around people in Latin who seem to think that yelling everywhere they go is a great idea. My head hurts, really bad.

More Complaining: I was bitched at. Again, and it bugs me. First of all let me tell you that my phone is broken, it does not work with the front keys aside from the options key and the call key. So aside from those the others have malfunctions to them. Other then that I also have found out that my phone does not work on vibrate. It now will only be on silent, or ringer. Which is horrible for me, but it hasn’t been working for a while. Anyway back to what happened. I was texting once during the assembly at the Latin convention, to ask my friend Evan from a different school if he was in Latin, and if he was there. Because I miss him and Sarah got really pissed off about it. I didn’t think about it because it wasn’t like I was texting some random person for no reason. And I apparently continued to piss her off because I barged in on a picture behind her and I leaned on her. Whatever I don’t care. Anyway, I blew it off but people started treating me kinda.. bad. By ignoring me and not listening to anything I had to say. As I continued to go to the testing, I went into a room that had everyone’s stuff in it. It was the designated room for my school. Anyway I was in there for testing because at Latin conventions have you take tests to find out your knowledge. During the testing in our room, there was a phone vibrating near some people’s stuff during the whole testing. And then I had a F’n senior come up to me afterward to tell me that I have to turn my phone off because it was MY phone that was vibrating during the testing… Which is kinda bullshit, because well my phone doesn’t go on vibrate. So I told her so, and she got all pissed off at me, telling me I need to turn my phone off. My reply being that I can not turn off my phone, because then I would have to physically take out the battery and keep them separated. ( Remember my buttons don’t work on the front of my phone). From that she got even more pissed off. And I finally said f it to the whole conversation. Then the rest of the whole convention she continued to be pissed off at me, and so did other people who are her friends, causing more pointless drama. I even said to Cody at the beginning of the testing “Oh someone needs to put their phone one silent, that’s going to get really annoying really quick.” CLEARLY everyone in the room had heard me.. but yet again pointless stupid drama.

Funny thing: While I was at the convention I met some people from another school, which is great, because they were completely awesome. And I met a girl named Sam, as well as a guy named Jesse, and Eric( aka Chan). They are really awesome people, and it was funny because my neighbor named Tom came up to us, and I introduced Sam to him as Bellatrix (like Harry Potter), and Tom was like, “Oh! That’s really cool!” after asking me if I was serious, and I said yes. As we continued on he continued to believe that her name was Bellatrix to in the end ask me before we leave if her name was really that. I told him no. He had believed me the whole time that her name was that, from Harry Potter. That was really funny, and amusing to me.

JCL is amazing: Without a headache, I probably would say I had the time of my life tonight, because it was so ridiculously fun in the end. I got talking to a few guys, and then to Sam and a girl named Hope. They were damn cool people. And I love meeting new people, they don’t judge me like other people in my school do. I have to deal with that a lot. JCL is kinda like MYL in the sense that people won’t judge you very easily, the only big difference between the two would be that MYL you don’t have to deal with stupid drama and people from your school, you just have amazing people accepting you within a matter of seconds. I love MYL and JCL.

:D
Hope I amused you my nonexistent readers.